Friday, October 30, 2009

Swine flu, Jesus, Frank Skinner and us

Frank Skinner writes a column in the Times, which I've only just discovered, but this early delve has found some belters.

His latest one is about swine flu hysteria and how it is affecting the taking of holy communion.

Forgive me as I move from the ridiculous to the sublime. When I take Holy Communion in church on Sunday mornings, it involves eating a thin disc of bread and then sipping from a chalice of wine. As a Roman Catholic, I believe that this bread and wine, through some supernatural process, has transubstantiated into the body and blood of Jesus Christ. Being a recovering alcoholic, some sceptical friends have accused me of using transubstantiation as a loophole. I can’t blame them for this. I’ve had similar doubts about Catholics on a no-carbs diet.

Either way, in recent weeks, my local church has withdrawn the wine element as a precaution against the spread of swine flu. Given that it too believes in transubstantiation, the inference is that I might catch it from Jesus. Surely that strain would at least be self-healing.

Brilliant. I'll let you know if such madness spreads to Holy Spirit Marple this Sunday.

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