Friday, January 18, 2008

How fascism works - Toon style

This Newcastle hysteria is hilarious. The frenzy, the delusion, the personality cult, the obsession with uniforms. It's how fascism works.

This isn't me, by the way, but I like it very much:

Speaking of 'number twos', did you see the most craven, shameless piece of whoring ever during half-time of the Manchester City and West Ham game? The brass neck of that baby-haired bastard Alan Shearer when Gary Lineker 'surprised' him by asking whether he would consider becoming Kevin Keegan's assistant at St. James Park.

Cue the crows' feet and crocodile smile. "I'd definitely discuss it if they wanted to talk to me about it."

Too right you would you spineless agitator. That way you can take whatever glory there is - "I've heard it's all doon to Shee-ra really" - but you can also stab soft ollies in the back if it turns to rat shit and probably then get the number one job for yourself if you fancy it. We know your sort.

If the lay-by lizard has any sense he'll tell you to get stuffed and then start asking questions in the press about how come you've not done any coaching at any level yet but seem to have so much to say about a job that you won't come out and declare a proper interest in. He won't though. As Danny Baker once said of Keegan, "He's a big old queen. The only man who makes Stephen Fry look like an old trouper."

1 comment:

Michael Taylor said...

Wise Brummie, by email:

This is a unique football team? Why is it? uniquely badly run perhaps.

Need to bring glory days back? What glory days? last won domestic trophy in 1955. Only fans 65 plus have any chance of remembering that far back.

You have to know this area to succeed here? Bollocks. Most successful managers over last ten years, Ferguson, Mourinho, Wenger, etc knew little about the areas in which their teams play when they took over.

These people demand to be entertained? That's why they played with Titus Bramble in defence for so long. Stupid statement. It's as if the rest of us are never more happy than seeing our side play defensively for 89 minutes and then nick one at the end.

Going to the match for these people is like going to the theatre for people in the south. Because there's nothing between Newcastle and London is there?

Unique fans. Toon Army/Geordie nation. Partly a media myth but certainly only in existence since Premiership. Crowds not brilliant before that and away support poor compared even to the likes of Man City/Everton/Sunderland/Tottenham.

Self fulfilling prophecy number one. Fat geordies go to the away match and say "let's take our shirts off and we'll get on the telly." TV director tells cameraman/commentator to get shot of fat geordies in crowd with no shirts on in Jan. Commentator talks bollocks about unique supporters/toon army/geordie nation. Wives at home tape it. Job done.

Meanwhile, West Ham sell thousands of tickets for a sunday afternoon match at man city only days after being knocked out of the cup there in a night match. No commentator talks about their unique support.
Villa sell 3,000 tickets at Anfield for a Monday night televised game. Ditto.
Sunderland sell out every away game. Ditto

For Man City/Everton/Tottenham (never mind Man U /Liverpool/Arsenal) see above.

You couldn't make this shit up could you?