The evil witch of the WAGs - Stevie Gerrard's Alex Curran - writes a column on her vapid life.
A catty dissection is here:
"Steven's away with England," she informs any readers unaware that her husband will be wheeled on in a bath chair and required to bring in the harvest himself during England's forthcoming 0-0 draw with Israel. "So on Saturday I'm having a few of the girls round for an Ann Summers party."
Well, these scheduling clashes can't be helped, I suppose. So while Steven is hopped-up on cortisone and trying not to get in the way of Emile Heskey's turning circle, Alex will be deliberating between sundry Rabbits and 12in dildos.
It would take a special sort of jaded fool to use this knowledge to make some point about England's current impotence or emasculation, which leaves Lost in Showbiz eminently qualified to oblige.A link to it is here.