Walking to New Mills

What a glorious day it has been today. Bright sunshine and just the right temperature to go for a Sunday morning walk. We strolled along the River Goyt from Hague Bar to the Millenium Walkway at New Mills (pic isn't mine it's from Buxton Online, a lovely site).

Lots of mud, lots of splashing in the water and climbing up bankings. We are very lucky to live round here, where the city meets the Peak District and all its exciting landscapes. We were spoilt for choice when we set out, but Rachel hadn't been here before. Good exercise too, the boys will all sleep well tonight.

There's a plaque at the end of the walkway reminding visitors that the bridge is now a permanent memorial to Stan Brewster, the civil engineer who oversaw its construction, who was killed in the 7/7 terrorist attacks on London. It's a wonderful monument to a life cruelly taken.

The thoughts and words of Roger Cashman

Roger Cashman has gone a bit over the top in his column in our magazine this month. I get a very mixed reaction to his column. Some people think he's a cult classic and others just think he's a c.... He's certainly better than Martin Lukes.

Anyway, judge for yourself, a collection of his monthly thoughts is here.

What's London ever done for us?

I mentioned our 42 Under 42 dinner from Tuesday night. My civic pride rather got the better of me. To cut a long story short, I wanted to remind our audience how much has been achieved in the North West in such a short space of time.

Think about what rainy Manchester has created in the last 50 years: the computer, the splitting of the atom, free trade, Oasis (who were in Liverpool, during Capital of Culture year, that very night), developing a cure for cancer, Elbow winning the Mercury Music Prize, the Halle, even Manchester United. And what's sunny London ever given us: Chelsea, Arsenal, derivatives and hedge funds.

To close the evening I did an updated version of a rant from the last interview Tony Wilson did, where he roughly said:

In the North West it rains and it rains. And yet we managed to produce the industrial revolution, trade union movement, the Communist Manifesto and even the computer. Down south, where the sun never sets, you took all our money and what did you produce? Chas and f*cking Dave.

Which, for the record, was a nice twist on this, from Harry Lime in The Third Man:

In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.

It's right though, isn't it. Chas and Dave, eh?

Me. A disgrace

Apparently I'm a disgrace. I refereed a junior football match this morning. No names, but you can probably work it out if you wanted to. I'd been warned to keep an eye on one of the team managers. I had a chat to him before the game, then again at half time when things had - predictably - got a bit testy. I didn't actually expect to have to watch out for dirty play with 9 and 10 year old boys, or off the ball incidents, but to stop the game if a kid got hurt and give the odd free kick. You sort of let things go unless they're really serious. One boy was getting tearful because another was clipping his ankles. At half time I appealed for calm and asked the managers to have a word with the players concerned.

Second half, early on, I spotted a bit of a niggle between two boys, but it didn't amount to much and I let play go on. Well, the manager never let up after that. I had to stop the game and ask him to calm down. When the home team scored, the away goalie burst into tears and claimed another boy had punched him in the eye. I never saw it. Hurt pride, I think, because he'd kept his team in the game until that point. This manager then took his team off and refused to play the remaining few minutes, blaming me. What a tool. He didn't stop ranting for a good 20 minutes. I walked away. Even a parent from his team told me he "had a short fuse" and that I had done a good job.

I needed to tell him he couldn't carry on ranting about me and just asked him to remember that it's just kids football and to ask the question all people involved in junior football need to ask: who is this for?

His response: "You're a disgrace".

Never again. And I feel utterly depressed.

Wire - top ten footy lookalikes

Someone I know hasn't enough to do, or is a genius.

Bill Rawls - Luiz Felipe Scolari

Carver – Florent Malouda

Bunk – Yakubu

Herc – Brad Friedel

Fruit – Nicolas Anelka

Chris Partlow – John Obi Mikel (miniaturised version)

McNulty – Michael Ballack

Bunny Colvin – Shaun Goater

Slim Charles - Didier Drogba

Wallace – Steven Pienaar

Mixing it

What a week. We had a 42 Under 42 dinner last night at the Radisson Edwardian. I think people don't know how to behave at functions any more. People are in shock and they feel uneasy about mixing and mingling. Once we got them warmed up it went very well. But these are odd times indeed.

Historical football kits - a quite brilliant site

There's a brilliant site here with all British football kits on it. Like, EVER. It is so ace. *Dons anorak*

I drive through Chesterfield a bit and wondered why the Union Jack features quite so much (chippy, garage, pub). Well, this was Chesterfield from 1892-3 they really did have that kit. And York from 1973 had that.

I fixed my view of what colours different teams were in about 1973 (when I was six). I had this incredible book my Dad got me one Christmas, and I have never been able to take seriously clubs that change their kits so much. Millwall, Crystal Palace, Luton Town, Stockport County and Rochdale have all buggered about with their tradition. I'll let another blogger of a nearby parish explain Tranmere's experiment with blue, and a workmate to put light on Oldham's flirtation with Orange. As for Burnley's first ever kit being blue and white halves, well, words fail me.

Annoying quirks of iTunes

For some stupid reason when I try and play an album on my iPod it shuffles the tracks, rather than playing them in the order on the CD. It's particularly annoying with the Glasvegas album because the tracks blend very well from one to the other, especially from Geraldine to It's My Own Cheating Heart... it didn't used to be like this. And randomly shuffling Paul Weller's 22 Dreams would have ruined the effect totally. How can I correct this?

I've also been messing about with Genius, it's thrown a few good playlists together, but I suspect it's based on purchase history given that it can't work out what to recommend from your own record collection when you click on a Beatles track. Ha.

Haughty 40

We've been to a few 40th birthday parties lately and I have to say, they've all been top nights out. Everyone seems really pleased to be out, it's a real landmark and I think our age know how to let rip in the right way. I think the right amount of effort is put into a 40th as well. We've been treated to live bands and a quirky DJ in the last few weeks. One of the live bands was the same one that I had for mine in 2006, and who were the band for the Y Factor. The other was fronted by Tony Hadley from Spandau Ballet. Yes, seriously, him. I would have written more about it on here but in these chastened times the last thing I'd want is to land some mate in the papers.

We've got another in a few weeks, but the person concerned doesn't know.

Positives from getting beat by Man Yoo

It's never pleasant to lose to that lot. And the walk back to our car up Livesey Branch Road was the wettest yomp ever.

Here are ten positives from yesterday, clutching at straws I know, but it could have been worse:

Face facts, we've come out of a good run, we meet this lot and they are very, very good. Rooney is deadly, Berbatov a fine footballer and Ferdinand very solid. What a spine. Ronaldo, however much he's a diving prick, is a marvellous player to watch. So, we got beaten, but by an excellent opposition.

The fifteen minute spell when we looked like the better side. Roque would have nailed it against lesser sides. They didn't like it up 'em.

We seem to have cut out the defensive errors that would have made the score even worse.

Jason Brown. He looked quality. The save from Giggs was awesome. Their first goal from the resulting corner shouldn't have been given and it was cruel on him. He deserved the home team man of the match award.

Tugay. What a master. He can still hold his own on the most part even against Giggs and Berbatov, but lacked a fetcher and carrier to link with. It isn't Andrews, who got closer to the ball when he was on the bench than when he came on. Where is Vogel?

We took Sean and Fraser, two of Joe's school pals and Marple Athletic team mates. They really enjoyed seeing their team win 2-0.

The Roverstore is very good, the experiment with Sports World running the shop and selling shell suits galore was a mess. It's good to have our own temple of tat.

I bought 4000 Holes, the original Rovers fanzine. It was very good in parts. I laughed out loud at the story that Burnley are the 6th most hated club according to a spurious survey and the comment from the Pisoir Pundit that such a position will match their fingers.

I spotted Potty Mouth and Knuckle Head in the old seats. They will have got very wet.

Running total on the season tickets: That would have cost us £132, with booking fees. Add to the previous game, we've chalked off £275 worth from our total outlay. We'll have paid for them soon.

Er, that's about it.

Arabian Nights

A couple of Marple Leaf readers have recently moved to the Middle East to explore the brave new worlds of Dubai and Abu Dhabi. Coincidentally both have blogs to keep friends updated.

Britney of Arabia is here.

Chris the Greek is here.

Baltimore - London

Not that I'm obsessed with The Wire or anything, but when I heard this, I thought - that sounds like Mayor Carcetti stiffing Commissioner Burrell.

And when I die

Morbid, I know, but death's been around me lately. There's this string - And When I Die - on The Word website about songs to play at your funeral, prompted by one service that featured Magazine's Shot By Both Sides.

I've been to two funerals recently where the tunes played were Joy Division's Atmosphere (a choker) and Abba's Fernando (he's smiling on us all).

And then there's this magnificent send off from the Baltimore PD.

Rovers on a roll

I'm not going to come on here and admit I was wrong about Paul Ince, I wasn't and I still don't like him. In fact I was completely right about Keith Andrews being out of his depth against Arsenal and completely right that Matt Derbyshire, Benni and Tugay would have given us options.

The Rovers fan in the Observer was full of praise, claiming we're playing better football than under Hughes. I'm not qualified to comment on that, so will reserve judgement.

We've got Man Yoo this weekend and as long as Rob Styles isn't the ref, then we've at least got some momentum to take into the game.

And I'm bottom of the office prediction league. I'm getting a few results (one point), but no correct scores (three), so what do I know?

When you walk through the garden

We've now ended our regular tour of duty to Baltimore. Yes folks, tonight we watched the last ever episode of the Wire. All 58 episodes in less than three months. It's been an incredible journey. I know I sound potty, but I cannot recall a TV series this good.

If you have reached the end, as I have, there are some excellent reviews here, here and here, from New York magazine, The Word and The Guardian website.

Do not click through if you haven't finished.

But, as discussed, there are friends who are behind us on this. Neil, Rob M, Rob H and John Dixon have been very good about not revealing plot lines, so I'm not going to blab about what's happened to different characters, top ten moments, top ten most horrible characters etc.

But let's get our skates on and organise a screening and discussion at the Cornerhouse. Baltimore, the Manchester connection.

Welcome to the layer cake, son

Rachel's out tonight, all the boys are asleep and I'm watching one of my favourite films on DVD - Layer Cake - and necking a bottle of Amarone. It's a brilliant film, full of great dialogue, imposing performances and has a sense of humour. It was also a real milestone in Daniel Craig's career, propelling him to the Bond role. Or so his Dad told me over lunch on Wednesday. Sorry, couldn't resist.

Director Mathew Vaughn was inspired by another multi-layered crime epic - Heat - which I also never tire of.

When I do an event I always tuck myself away for five minutes and listen to Michael Gambon's speech at the climax of the film, followed by Lisa Gerrard's soaring Aria.

You're born, you take shit.

Get out in the world,
you take more shit.

Climb a little higher,
you take less shit.

Until one day, you're up
in the rarefied atmosphere...

...and you've forgotten
what shit even looks like.

Welcome to the layer cake, son.

Kevin Roberts at the Lowry Centre

As I mentioned earlier, this week has been really gruelling. And for all the effort I was still double gutted to miss an Insider event I'd worked really hard to put together. I got Kevin Roberts to come and do a talk in Manchester. It was a great success, Nigel Hughes says so here, and my guys are still buzzing from it.

Here's how it was reported:

Kevin Roberts, the chief executive of global advertising agency Saatchi & Saatchi, last night called for a complete rebrand of the MediaCity development at Salford Quays, saying the name and design of the emerging creative centre lacked the originality needed to put it into the hearts and consciousness of a worldwide audience. Speaking at Insider’s Creative Forum, held at The Lowry Centre, Roberts praised the idea of MediaCity, but said its execution has so far been poor. “I think you need to add mystery, sensuality and intimacy to it,” he said. “It needs to be rebranded, to have more storytelling around it and the external design needs to change. It’s not enough that it’s coming to Salford over London – we have to make this great and fabulous and ours. I really want it to succeed, but I just find it so bland at the moment.” Roberts added that the economic slowdown could also benefit the creative community, saying some of the most innovative ideas are generated during tough times.

Worst radio interview ever

Is this the worst radio interview ever? It's writer and broadcaster Hardeep Singh Kohli being interviewed about his new book, Indian Takeaway, on the Les Ross show on BBC WM.

Source: Holy Moly and the Word.

Playing catch up

I feel I'm slipping on this blog. Sorry. Something had to give during this phenomenally busy couple of weeks. Here are ten things that are on my mind at the moment, from the ten most popular categories on this blog.

Manchester put on a great show for the Labour Party this week. I've been at a do in Harrogate tonight and the (private) perspective from the white rose side of the Pennines is that Manchester is streets ahead of other UK cities right now. The Cushman and Wakefield report here confirms it.

I'm enjoying discovering new wine, but it's harder to find bargains at Majestic these days. The cheeky Chilean Merlot I like has doubled in price. New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc is also soaring.

I was involved in two events at Labour Conference. It struck me again how much I am switched off the whole entourage of politics. I was impressed with Richard Leese and John Healey and their honest, very personal commitment to public service, but Labour are doomed. The Tories seem exciting, but that's only because they're in opposition and don't have to do anything. They are weak once you get past Cameron, Osborne and Boris. See if anyone else stands out next week.

It has never been a more fascinating time to be in business journalism. Scary, yes. Complex, yes. But truly remarkable times. I've marked some student projects for UCLAN this week and I am in awe of what these students are capable of.

I didn't go and see Blackburn Rovers beat Fulham. It wasn't a great game according to my kilt wearing correspondent, but I did notice that Keith Andrews got Man of the Match in one paper.

I went to the Marple food and drink festival, which was a fantastic reminder to us that we are very lucky to live in a community where people care about their neighbours and their environment. The best pie award went to Grenaby Farm, as I mentioned. But there were also a whole range of entries in the home made category, which I regret to say I can't remember. As for other food, I was also really delighted to see that Murillos were doing a roaring trade in paella.

The best programme ever to appear on telly - The Wire - has concluded its fifth and final season. We're catching up on DVD and have seen the first three episodes. And it's set in a news room. Unbelievably good.

The Glasvegas CD is brilliant music. I love the energy and the initial feeling of authenticity. But part of me thinks there's a cynical plundering of Definitely Maybe and the early Jesus and Mary Chain that smacks of trying far too hard to get attention. Or maybe I'm just a grumpy old man. Still, I can play Smoke on the Water on my six string now.

So here I am, in a hotel in Yorkshire, away from my family. All this talk of Ruth Kelly giving up her cabinet job to be with her family makes me sad that I don't see enough of my Rachel and my boys. We did our best to have a great birthday for Rachel this week, but we're both at it again straight away. You feel so guilty all the time, but we devote so much of what we do, what we earn and how we invest our love into our family. And on another note, last month we went to my cousin Mark Leamy's wedding party in Morecambe, today we paid our last respects to Uncle Doug and on both very different occasions I was struck by how close people are in different parts of my extended family, and yet I've become distant from it.
We're also so proud of Rachel's niece Emily, who has been on the X Factor. I don't think I properly appreciate what a wonderful extended family we have. And I still haven't seen little Calum! Honestly, I know there are family who pop on here, I just wanted to say "Hello, and I love you all very much".

Doug Lancaster RIP

Doug Lancaster, my Great Uncle, will be laid to rest at Macclesfield Crem tomorrow and mourned by a sad and large throng at Mobberley Church. He was a lovely kind man and played a huge role in my Mum's life after her father died in the war. RIP, Doug.

Pie winner announced

The Marple Food and Drink Festival was an absolute triumph. The weather helped, but the efforts of so many great people paid off. There were queues at every stall at lunchtime.

And the winner of the Samuel Oldknow Pie Competition, as judged by myself and Joy Abell was...

Professional category: Grenaby Farm pork pie with cranberry.

There were other winners, but I am sketchy on the details.

New LTSBHBOS logo

...played it till my fingers bled

My fingers hurt today, because I had a guitar lesson last night. It really isn't going very well at all. Part of me wants to blame the teacher, who seems to show me some nifty moves with his fingers, that look physiologically impossible, but doesn't say anything that makes it easy. But basically, I don't practice enough. I just don't get the time. I will try harder to pratice, but I find chord transitions really hard and can't concentrate on two movements by different hands.

I read a terrific book on holiday called Guitar Man by Will Hodgkinson. It's one of those self deprecating middle aged man books that embarks on a journey of discovery. He learns the guitar in six months and plays a concert. It should inspire me to stick at it. All I want to achieve is being able to pick, strum and fret my way through a few campfire classics.

Sitting in judgement

I'm going to be a judge at the Samuel Oldknow Pie Competition this weekend at the Marple Food and Drink Festival. We'll be outside the pub on Market Street.

The glory of the North West

Stuart Maconie is to be an ambassador for the North West, he's doing a web service, which is here. I like Stuart, he's a funny writer and his book Pies and Prejudice was a great old ramble around the North. I did a review of it for one of our magazines, which he took exception too, partly because I said he made a few mistakes and then tripped up by making one of my own - he didn't in fact go to Manchester Poly.

Anyway, I hope it works out.

This is the worst trip...

The Times is reporting here that Rangers fans have been singing sectarian songs about the Irish famine. If I recall, this song ends with the line: "the famine is over, why don't you go home." And it is to the tune of Sloop John B.

As one of my Cardiff based colleagues reflected today, when Rangers were in Manchester, and he was required to be here, he did muse: "This is the worst trip, I've ever been on."

Italy is different

This cute animation about Italy is quite amusing. Click here.

Oh dear - Rovers get battered

Stuffed at home by Arsenal, who barely broke sweat. And our manager linked with the Newcastle fiasco. All my worst fears about Paul Ince, Keith Andrews and our flaky defence look like coming true. We will be in the bottom three tomorrow and may well spend a great deal of the season there.

I'm going to do running total here, working out how much the match tickets would have cost had we bought them on a game by game basis, as opposed to buying our family season ticket. As Arsenal are a category A team, the price would have been £111.

Y Factor a great success

The Y Factor was an enormous success on Thursday night. Dean Gormley of law firm Halliwells was crowned as winner after wowing judges, even the super-cynical Terry Christian, Rowetta, Sean Fitzgerald and Angie Robinson and an audience of over 450 professionals with his rendition of Suspicious Minds. Emma Leathley of Clearwater came second with her excellent Manic Monday.

Overall, the event raised nearly £40,000 for Mencap.

A DVD of the night, plus unseen extras, will be available soon after some wizardry from Chris and Alan at Zut Media. No doubt it will include raw footage of Phil Tarimo of Investec who provided "one for the ladies" with You Can Leave Your Hat On. The hat, and the trousers, did indeed stay on... but the shirt did not.

An absolutely blinding night. I understand Dean is still wearing the Elvis outfit.

Feeder club

It is customary for the perpetually vacant manager's job at Newcastle to be linked with whoever is in change at Blackburn Rovers.

According to a "rumour" in today's Fiver: "Dennis Wise and Mike Ashley think Paul Ince is the perfect puppet for the Newcastle job."

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Must have been how he snatched a point from Hull City, a week before Wigan stuffed them 5-0.

The intense humming of irritation

I read here that the new iPod Touch will have an inbuilt speaker. Boz won't be happy.

Fire at Hawk Green Cricket Club

Rotten news that the cricket club pavilion at Hawk Green has been torched. The jist of the story, here, seems to smell foul play. It would add insult to injury if it was.

Marple's best pie

It was an early exercise of this blog to find Marple's best pie, link is here. We went for Grenaby Farm steak.

I'm delighted that the excellent Marple Food and Drink Festival have created the Samuel Oldknow Pie Competition, which you can find out about here. The festival is one of the things that makes Marple such a lovely community; combining all the best aspects of shared experience - eating, drinking, family time and supporting people with honest values. And filling Nick Lindley's boots. ;-)

We sampled something of this spirit in Barga on our holidays. We went to the annual Fish and Chip Festival organised by AS Barga, the local football club. There's a strong connection in the town to the west of Scotland and English is spoken with a Glasweigan accent. We did not find any deep fried Mars bars, however.

The website for the Marple Festival looks good, as you'd expect from Stuart Manley of IF Consultancy. I will accept the decision on the pie as binding, but will be making representations for myself and Ian Wolfendale to join the panel of judges.

Touched Up

Apple have fixed the bug on the iPod Touch. I can now sync it with Outlook calendars and address book. Still can't blog from it though.

Wire in the blood

The new issue of The Word magazine was waiting for me when I got home this afternoon. I do enjoy the cultural musings of David Hepworth and tend to like his unorthodox recommendations: Willie Nile, for one. There's a banging interview Hepworth has done with David Simon, the writer of The Wire, quite possibly the greatest TV series ever. We are currently up to episode 6, series 4 on the boxed set. It's not just the sprawling cast of characters, the changing backdrops to Baltimore's layers or the moral maze that blurs the lines between the cops and baddies. It's the scale of it. I'm envious that there's a screening in London of the last 5 episodes with Simon hosting a Q+A afterwards.

As a piece of work, it's amazing enough, but it's also epoch making in the way it's consumed. In the US and the UK followers have got hold of it in the most unconventional way, through downloads, Sky Plus and DVD. This is Simon on its unexpected popularity in the UK:

I'm stunned. I can't figure you people out.

We have the final series on order.

Coming Around Again

My Mum always reckons she wells up when she hears Carly Simon's Coming Around Again; she says it reminds her of when I went off on what people now call a "gap year". Oddly, it came on the radio this afternoon when I was taking Elliot to school for the first time. The last of our babies growing into boys, and then men. He looked so smart in his school uniform, but so young too. Anyway, for the benefit of all family members popping onto The Marple Leaf, he was very happy and excited. He was a bit nervous as we waited at the gate, but went in with no problems at all. When I picked him up a couple of hours later he was so proud and pleased and he ran round to the junior yard to meet his brothers and show them his smiley sticker.

And as I got Joe's stuff together for him this morning I noticed he had a certificate and a badge announcing he's been elected class councillor. Not that he thought it important to tell his Mum or Dad, or anything.

Honestly, I gasp at our lads sometimes and how they cope with the tests of life with such apparent ease. Being a Dad causes me more angst than anything at work or in any other sphere of life. But it also gives me highs I've never experienced either. Every day.

Come and see the Y Factor

I'm involved in the Y Factor event next week, where we're raising money for MENCAP.

Ten corporate financiers will be performing a song with a live backing band at the Chicago Rock Cafe in Manchester on Thursday the 11th of September. Having done it last year, it's a great occasion and quite nerve racking.

The full link is here, for tickets and information on the singers.

Creative industry

The subject of creationism has been thrown to the fore with Sarah Palin's candidature for the US vice-presidency. If you can bear the smug tone, Oliver Kamm blogs well on it here, concluding that anyone who approves of teaching a pseudo science that the earth was created 4000 years ago is not fit for high office. I don't think she believes it for a moment, but such is the force of creationist drivel in the Republican party she has to be seen to tolerate it.

A few of us at work have also been sent a massive book called The Atlas of Creation by an Islamic creationist called Harun Yahya. It is absolutely bonkers.

Damian Thompson, author of Counterknowledge, and editor of the Catholic Herald, sums it up very well:

Insightful? Let me tell you a bit about Harun Yahya. It’s the pen name of a series of writers flooding the Islamic world with books and DVDs that present Darwinism as part of a diabolical conspiracy. This is a particularly poisonous form of counterknowledge.

British universities are filling up with science and medical students who reject the single most important discovery in biological science. Sooner or later we’re going to have to face the consequences.

Full blog is here.

They're flooding the whole world with this nonsense by the looks of it. The book is enormous, it is expensively produced and it is frightening that people believe it.

Middle Eastlands

As usual, Real Journalism's David Conn does a cracking job summing up the "Manchester City bought by the oil trillionaires" story. Can't add to it. Superb. Link is here.

What's the betting someone is looking to hire a camel for the next home match, that they'll be selling sky blue and white tea towels as Arab head dresses? I've even had one City fan goading rivals with reminders that every time they fill their car with fuel, it's helping Manchester City.

But I've not heard anything yet from this blue. Or this one. To quote one blue pal today - "I still think there's a catch somewhere."

Footballers behaving badly

Jamie Carragher was going to get Lucas Neill "done" by some of his Scouse mates after Neill broke the leg of the World's Greatest Ever ScouserTM. There's a link to a slightly strange football website here which could take you on a bizarre journey of discovery.

Revolting passengers

I had to laugh at this (passengers revolting at Manchester Airport). Well, not a laugh exactly, but emit a slightly weary "huh". I really dislike air travel, especially from Manchester Airport. It is made worse by the attitude of so many Manchester Airport staff. They seem to think you have to suffer to earn the right to fly. We had a couple of stray bags at the end of our holiday. It wasn't the end of the world, but it delayed us another half an hour. Then of course, because taxis won't take an order until you've got ALL your bags, because they get charged so much to park, things dragged on. The attitude of the staff was the worst part of it. They couldn't have cared less.

Late today - congestion to blame

Today was the first day I have driven into work since I came back from holiday because I'm working late tonight. The 12 miles from Marple to Manchester took ONE HOUR AND 46 MINUTES. Suffice to say I was late. Most of that time was spent snaking along the two and half miles on the M67 from Hyde to the M60. No congestion charge would make any kind of difference to that, as it's outside the zone. The route along the A67 was pretty quiet.

And I could find no information on BBC Radio Manchester about what was causing the jam.

Blogging - what next?

Coming back from holiday - and following an August lull - there seems to be a certain amount of soul searching and wonderment about blogging amongst the local blogerati. Manchizzle goes so far as to ask: Is blogging dead?

I got into doing this out of curiosity. Part of my day job is to understand how people consume media and how we then deliver it to them. This blog has helped in that. But it's also subtly changed over the two years I've been doing it, both in its look, but also in tone. I have separated my work from this blog. I don't put stories from Insider on here, for example. I'm careful about what I say about my family. But I'm committed to it more than ever.

So, two years on, what next? I always find it amazing that people manage to publish long and well put together blogs on politics, or as extensions of their personal interests - be they music, football, writing, poetry or local history. I would find that achingly narrow. The blogs I return to - and link to - are generalist and personal. They reflect as well as possible the hinterland of the writer. Nigel Hughes does this very well, but he's also shifted away from his day job a bit; Dave Hill separates his Guardian work from his local Hackney stuff; I sense that Laura Wolfe is working out her direction - running a business, her family, Man City. The much missed Dougal Paver threw everything at his, but stopped entirely because he's a public face who didn't want to self-censor his deeply held views on Norweigans and environmentalists. I think I've settled down with my core now, though I occasionally need to be reminded not to overdo the Blackburn Rovers stuff.

I don't hanker after comments, but I like it when I get them. I know from the stats that there's a small loyal following and I like the fact that the blog not only helps me entertain and keep in touch with friends and family, my occasional nostalgic ramblings have also flushed out a few old friends from as Stringer Bell would say - "back in the day" - Nick Morrell, Andrew Worth and Andrew Blacktop.

Anyway, to try and revive the momentum and explore the reasons and the purpose for blogging, a Manchester bloggers blog has been set up here. And the Manchester Evening News blog has organised a get together, the details of which are here. I would suspect the bulk of the blogerati are younger, less grumpy, trendier, more left wing and therefore considerably more interesting than me. They may even inspire a new direction for the Marple Leaf. I'll let you know.

Delayed this morning - congestion to blame

Getting into Manchester city centre from Marple this morning was really difficult - due to heavy "congestion". Trouble is, I was on the train. The driver announced that we were stopped at Ardwick because the approach to Piccadilly station was congested. Maybe this is why the promise of more peak time services on our line has been quietly dropped from the proposed transport improvements, here, in favour of longer trains with more seats, which are desperately needed.

The train was delayed again today, but unlike yesterday, it was bigger and better able to carry the hundreds of passengers crammed in like sardines. One bloke sat in the toilet for the duration.

On Keith Andrews

I've never seen the bloke play. I only know what I've read about him. He was in and out of the team and Wolves and did a good job at MK Dons.

Paul Ince's faith in the ability of his former skipper to make it in the Premier League will define his tenure as Rovers manager. If he does play then it's going to be at the expense of internationals like Vince Grella, Steven Reid, Aaron Mokeona and Johann Vogel, and for Ince's new best mate - Dunny. If he plays well and competes, and adds something to our game the transfer will be hailed as a masterstroke. If he fails to break through then Ince will be seen as showing poor judgement, blind loyalty and looking out for an old mate.

Like a lot of Rovers fans I've mocked this transfer, but when you listen to Andrews himself admitting he's going to be lucky to get a game, you start to hanker after the days when a hard working grafter can work his way up to the top division. I'd love it to work out.

Charge debate

Surprising early poll news here seems to confound my firm belief that the TIF bid will be trounced in the polls in December. However, I think this is extremely optimistic on the part of the pro-TIF lobby. I don't think the question that the MORI poll asked will bear any resemblence to the question that will be set in the referenda.

Football predictions

These are my predictions for the Premier League, which I did before the start of the season (honest)

Chelsea
Man U
Liverpool
Arsenal
Villa
Spurs
Portsmouth
Man City
Middlesbrough
Everton
Rovers
Newcastle
West Brom
Sunderland
Wigan
West Ham
Fulham
Bolton
Hull
Stoke

Cup: Villa
League Cup: Middlesbrough

I think Preston Burnley and Blackpool will all comfortably finish in mid table.

Back on the train gang

First day back. First train to catch this morning and guess what? Yep. Rose Hill train cancelled. Luckily a chap at the station bundled a couple of us into his car and we headed for Marple instead. Nice touch that, more than made up for the disappointment of the train.

Back Home

The key to contentment is quite simple. Spend time with the people you love. That's why we put so much effort and planning into our family holiday. In the middle of our hectic year we can take ourselves away to some sunshine and just be us. I feel so rested and so happy. I don't want to write a travel article about where we've been, what books we read, who we met, what the kids did, what the best ice cream in Barga is. Italy is such a warm and accepting environment for a rabble like us, great food, lovely people, quirky too. All I do want to say is "thank you" to Rachel, Joe, Max, Louis, Matt and Elliot for making this holiday such a fun and happy one.

Arriverdeci Marple

Right we're off on our jollies. Here are ten things I'm happy not to have to worry about for two weeks.

The start of the football season
The rain
Bitchy comments on message boards
The TIF debate
Rose Hill trains getting cancelled
Waking up to the Olympics on Radio 5 Live
Dan Bank road works
Worrying about the kids in holiday clubs
The price of fuel
The credit crunch


See you in September

Press release of the week

From our Insider Daily today:

Press release of the week. They don’t come much more PR-hungry than Stockport floorer Resin Surfaces and this week’s press release was a corker. The company has “solved a long-standing bathroom problem for global energy giant BP” by installing a special resin floor on an oil tanker permanently moored off Shetland. The tone was tactful, pointing out the difficulties caused by the tanker’s movements. If the Policy Exchange had been in charge, it would probably have been entitled: “All Jocks piss on the floor”. Mind you, remembering the UEFA Cup final…

There were wry smiles round Manchester at the news that Rangers were knocked out of Europe at the first hurdle.

Congestion conversation

I chaired a debate on Manchester controversial transport plans today at the Lowry Hotel, in a special event organised by pro.Manchester. I have to say Chris Oglesby from United City and Andrew Simpson from the GMMG both delivered barnstorming presentations.

Here's the nub: Oglesby says public transport in Manchester is "crap". Yet this bid is designed to get more people to use that "crap" service. To most people what's on offer is more crap and being charged to use your car. Simpson's slide showing what TIF really amounts to - four diddy extra bits of Metrolink - was met with gasps.

If I was a betting man I'd say the consensus in the room was with the no camp. TIF is dead.

Hello Calum

Grandad Eamon now has another little lad to dote on. Rachel's brother Sean and his wife Reena are now the proud parents of Calum Joshua Guru Curran. He's a lovely little fellah, getting stronger and bigger every day. Mum's doing well too.
My pal Andy Coyne always maintains that the Sikhs are the Irish of Asia, so Calum has a grand pedigree!

Once again...

It was difficult to know where to start with the Policy Exchange report on regeneration.

The Liverpool edition of our Insider Daily email had this to say today:

Among the avalanche of criticism heaped on the authors of the Policy Exchange’s Cities Unlimited report, Insider’s favourite comments came from Professor Michael Parkinson of the European Institute for Urban Affairs at Liverpool John Moores University. Parkinson dismissed the observations as “teenage scribblings”. Parkinson is currently compiling a report into the impact of the credit crunch on the UK regions, which will be unveiled at Insider’s UK Investment Forum in London in November.

As I said on here last night, it was a breathtakingly poor piece of work. But some of what they were saying wasn't that far from what the new urban orthodoxy is saying in Manchester and Liverpool: "Back winners, support the city centre and the rest can only prosper."

To be honest I then see the coverage in the Liverpool Echo - like this - and it's basically turned into bullying anyone who criticises Liverpool.

In praise of BOSSmag

I grew up reading tall tales and mad lists in fanzines. I wrote about that here. Just picked up BOSSMag following one of Taguey's raids to Liverpool and liked it.

It's far from perfect, but it made me laugh and it's certainly good to see the young lads keeping the faith and telling it like it is. More than anything it was refreshing to read fanzines written by people under 40 (30 even). So many ideas, reviews, thoughts and snapshots end up on blogs and message boards it's a shame. You can't beat the look, feel and smell of a zine.

And I might even get the new John Power CD on their say so.

Overboard review

Delighted that Overboard got a nice review in the Scotsman. If you are in Edinburgh, do go and see it.

Are friends eclectic?

David Hepworth from The Word magazine sets a test. A randomizer - what five songs come up first when you shuffle the musical pack on your iPod (or equivalent MP3 player)? I was reading through the choices and thinking, what a load of bollocks. Who are these people? Is this just people trying to be eccentric and eclectic? I suspect so. No one has anything vaguely embarrassing.

Here are my first 10:
Martyr - Depeche Mode (hardly know it, one of Rachel's)
First Gear - The Rapture (must have been something off the youngsters at work, can't even remember where it came from)
Autumnsong - Manic Street Preachers (OK album track, but not a favourite)
Great Things - Echobelly (old 90s Britpop track)
Out of the Blue (into the fire) - The The (Excellent album track)
Those Canaan Days - From Joseph musical (on a for the kids playlist)
Let me entertain you - Robbie Williams (not very Word, but I like the Robster)
Babe I'm Gonna Leave you - Led Zep - (like it, but not my favourite by them)
Albert Hammond Bootleg - Half Man Half Biscuit (folk poetry)

I think because iPods are getting so massive, you just get all sorts ripped on and hope for the best. I must admit, I to tend to listen to playlists and new albums at the moment - Paul Weller's 22 Songs and the new Sigur Ros are my fave pair.

Catching up on The Wire

We've now watched the first two series of The Wire. I really do think it's every bit as good as so many people seem to say it is. However, no-one who I mention any of this to wants to know. They're way ahead of me. By the time we're up to date - mid September, I reckon, I can join in. Until then, observations on McNulty's Pogues soundtrack, the depth of Omar and the Shakespearean tragedy of Frank Sobotka will have to stay at home.

I like too the fact hardly anyone I know has actually watched it on TV, because it's on a channel called FX. Catching up, catching up.

Massive hat tip: Taguey.

Dan Bank

The traffic in and out of Marple is always a problem and it's about to get worse. Dan Bank is getting a complete overhaul for the next couple of years. I think it shows incredible foresight on the part of Stockport Borough Council to do the most invasive work during late August. When we will be away, thankfully.

I love the summer smell of the trees as you approach Marple from Chadkirk. It helps that the traffic is running smoothly.

A wintry picture taken from the bottom of Dan Bank up to Offerton Road is featured in a mod montage on the inner sleeve of one of my favourite albums of all time - All Mod Cons by The Jam. Bet you didn't know that, did you?

Ince loses dressing room - this blog was first

As exclusively revealed on the Marple Leaf last week, OK, "noted with caution" Paul Ince had already "lost the dressing room" at Blackburn Rovers. The Daily Mail has now waded in with this.
Senior players don't like him, his staff and his training methods, apparently.

Bring on Keith Andrews, that'll sort it.

The Graun has also come to the same conclusion as me on league placings (14th), after this thoughtful piece by Barney Ronay.

Last night I watched the Carlos Villaneuva clips on You Tube. He looks ace. But then before you get too excited, you can do a search on this deadbeat and get a 3 minute compilation that makes the currently unattached, ex-Swiss second division player, an absolute world beater.

Edinburgh bound

My Godson Adam and his family are appearing at Edinburgh in a play they've written together. There's a piece in the Tameside Advertiser about it here. To my shame I haven't seen it yet, but I'm sure it's funny, warm and slightly eccentric. Joe and Matt are going up to see it next week.

Anyway, it's called Overboard and will be performed at Tiviot Place, Wee 3, Venue 295 at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival between 10-16 August.

Tickets are £7.50 or £6.50 for concessions and can be reserved by calling the box office on 0870 241 0136 or by visiting www.sweet-uk.net

iPod Touch - a toy not a tool

I have finally managed to get my iPod Touch to connect to our Wifi at home. I did this despite being told by our service provider that I couldn't, or shouldn't. However, as I'd clumsily wrecked our settings on the livebox thingy I had to get a very nice lady in India to talk me through the resetting process again. In so doing I worked out how to do it. The next obstacle is to get the calendar on it to sync with my Outlook. It has been a major pain in the backside, which only started when I upgraded to the version 2.0 software for £5. Cheers, Apple.

The issue here is whether Apple want to have their sleek products considered elegant toys, or a genuinely useful business tools. I still they are fancy toys.

Bloggers and the media

London blogger Dave Hill writes here about a small spat between his local paper and the local blogging community in Hackney. We don't have that simmering cauldron of tension and competition between the paper and the blogs here, but I'm often approached for comment by the Stockport Express's district reporter for Marple, and sometime they follow up on various rants on here.

Pre season thoughts on Blackburn Rovers

Right, I've had a month off football. Or rather, this blog has had a month off talking about Blackburn Rovers. I'm glad, because in many instances I do encourage my children and workmates to refrain from saying anything if you can't think of something nice to say.
On Wednesday my friend Stephen Ashworth invited me down to Northwich to see a Rovers reserve side play the Vics, a club surrounded in turmoil and dark plotting of which Ashy is being invited to join in.

Here are ten thoughts - five bleak, five more positive, on what's been happening.

Selling. We have sold our most effective player from last season - Brad Friedel. Gutted isn't the word. He is an immense goalkeeper. There was a sell on clause for David Bentley. So, we split the proceeds on his sale with Arsenal. Is there a player that doesn't want to leave?

Managing. Paul Ince has - according to a good source in football agent circles - "lost the dressing room" already. His pre-match prep is patchy compared to Hughes and Ray Mathias takes the training. He likes winding players up by telling them there have been offers from other clubs. He wasn't even at Northwich, why?

Media. There's this from the Fiver yesterday which sums it up:
As for Blackeye Rovers, although they've now lost their two best players - Bentley and Brad Friedel - in the space of a week, they can comfort themselves with the thought that Bentley's attacking threat will be replaced with 84-year-old property magnate Robbie Fowler's pac ... Oh. Well, they can comfort themselves with the thought that Friedel's comforting presence has been supplanted with occasional goalkeeper Paul Robinson's handl ... Ah. Well, they can comfort themselves with the thought that Roque Santa Cruz isn't being linked to every half decent club with a few pennies to rub togeth ... Gah!

Bad buying. Robbie Fowler. Please, no. At Northwich he looked more like he should be in a veterans tournament. We are also being linked with Keith Andrews from MK Dons, Jermaine Penant, an Ecuadorian, a Mexican and a Chilean. And Robbie Fowler. Hughes had a great network, he sprung some great surprises. This looks like the old boys network.

Support. Season ticket sales are down on last year, despite some imaginative pricing. 2000 off the target according to the minutes of a fans forum. It's always a struggle.

Performances. We played alright in Portugal, according to those who went. The Vics game seemed to be a bit of a run out for Gallagher and Darbyshire as wingers, to see if one of them can fill Bentley's position.

Behind the scenes. Chris Ronnie isn't buying the club. Well, he never was really, it was as a front for a few others. The price I was told was £50m, which is ludicrously high for a club of Rovers size and the support we get. The best solution is for a supporters trust, underwritten by the Walker trust. Jack Walker's legacy was always never to see it sold to Cheshire property developers backed by Icelandic banks, etc. Better news is that the Walker Trust are reinstating the £3m they pay the club. I would like to think that this had something to do with it.

Good buying. Paul Robinson is a good keeper. That's a good signing for us and a good move for him. And he seemed to be a nice chap too; we chatted in the car park after the match.

Young players. Alan Judge looked good at Northwich, and the way in which the bench were instructing him, he's a key player.

Prospects. I'd settle for 9th now. But I think we'll struggle this season - 14th.

Barton Think

Joey Barton reflects:

The first day's the toughest, no doubt about it. They march you in, hand you your uniform and force you to pose for the photographer while loads of fat, tattooed, skinheads shout at you. That's when you know it's for real. A whole life blown away in the blink of an eye. Nothing left but all the time in the world to think about it. That's when it hits home. That's when you realise you've signed for Newcastle.

Sparks flying

When I stopped writing about telly and telly-making technology I unsubscribed from all kinds of magazines and press release lists and moved on. I still get one called Prompt from a bloke called David Sparks, which I really enjoy and wouldn't want to unsubscribe to. I was never close friends with David or anything and his old magazine was far too technical for me, but he always provided an incredible function in gluing this particular business community together. Here's a flavour in this month's intro:

Apologies - its publication is a little later than scheduled. I have been distracted, not least by an extraordinary event last Friday. My local pub - 'The Thatchers' - hosted the wake of a well-respected local Hell's Angel.
He died in a crash on the M4 motorway earlier in the week. Over 150 bikers from Chapters all over the UK (and Holland, Germany and South Africa) made a procession through Reading, from the Church to the Crematorium, and then headed for the pub. A sad event - but nevertheless amazing. Those immaculate, but amazingly loud, big bikes! The Angels, mainly seven foot tall and sporting multiple tattoos and long grey beards, were some of the most polite and courteous people I have ever met. I salute them!

Top chap that he is, David still publishes the lists of all the press conferences at trade shows like IBC and NAB even though I get the impression he doesn't go any more.

I must admit I don't even have a passing curiosity about what Quantel and Avid Technology are exhibiting at IBC, but I always look out for David's jokes, obituary notes and wise fables, like this:

An unemployed man applies for a job with Microsoft as a cleaner. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test. Afterwards, The manager says, "You will be employed as a cleaner at the minimum wage. Give me your e-mail address so I can send you a form to complete before you start."

The applicant admits he has neither an e-mail address nor a computer.

The manager replies that there is little hope of him ever starting work there as, in reality, he doesn't exist.

The jobseeker leaves and with his last $10 note buys some tomatoes which he sells in the market at 100% profit.

Repeating the process, he ends the day with $100 in his pocket.

It dawns on him he could make a living selling tomatoes. Long days mean his profits multiply rapidly. A pick-up truck multiplies his profits and, two years later, he is the owner of a multimillion dollar enterprise with a fleet of trucks, all transporting and selling tomatoes.

Planning for the future, he decides to buy some life assurance. His adviser picks a suitable plan and asks for an e-mail address to send the final documents electronically.

When the man replies that he has no e-mail address, the adviser is stunned.

"What! No e-mail?", he says. "How on earth have you managed to amass such wealth without the internet, e-mail and e-commerce? Just imagine where you'd be now if you had been connected to the internet from the very start."

"Well," replies the tomato millionaire, "I'd be a cleaner at Microsoft!"

Keep it up Sparky!

Book review - Counter Knowledge by Damian Thompson

I get irritated very easily by lazy conspiracy theories and quack medicine. This book provides some decent sociological context to all the mumbo jumbo health stories in the Daily Mail, creationism, pseudo history (ie Dan Brown) and holocaust denial. It's not as fun to read as Francis Wheen's How Mumbo Jumbo Changed the World, but as an intro to a rational stemming of this tidal wave of nonsense, it's alright. Corresponding website is here. 6/10.

Wired

As telly as rubbish at the moment we've been back on the boxed set merry go-round, catching up on The Wire, which passed me by first time round. There's no point me adding to the tsunami of praise for this excellent series, whoops, just did.

Liked this spoof news story on it. Hat tip: Voices from the Below.

Gruesome attack in Marple

I hope this kind of thing isn't catching on in Marple.

The last time it happened in Marple, 14 years and 6 days ago it led to more mayhem. There's a chapter in this very thorough, very detailed, very violent book. Link is here.

He's dancing to the words

There's a snappy piece here on the average word count of a song. Kevin Roberts reports that "during the sixties and seventies was 176 words. Last year it exploded to 436 words. Do we really have so much more to say?"

Partly, the average is pushed up by the proliferation of rap, but also by the power of major recording artists to let rip without interference.

Since I started guitar lessons I've been much more tuned in to riffs and chords than just the words, which obviously is still raw with me as I remember Terry Christian's verdict on this.

Public vote will kill C-charge - ten thoughts as to why

The announcement yesterday that the Greater Manchester authorities backed Trafford Council's call for a referendum will probably sound the death knell for the controversial deal to unlock money for tram extensions and bus lanes in return for a congestion charge. The poll will require 7 of the 10 council areas to back the plan, and that's a tall order. Our calculations reckon only Oldham and Tameside will come close to voting for it, because they reckon they'll get a tram system out of it. The rest will give it a big no. Ten thoughts on it are below:

1. Stockport, where the good people of Marple will be casting their vote, will deliver a crushing no to the plan - because there is so little in it for them. The outer charging ring cuts through Stockport and will affect school runs, tradesmen, commuters from one part of Stockport to another.
2. The plans outlined in the GMPTE "consultation brochure" that every house has recieved, aren't well put. Anyone with local knowledge will already have torn great holes in what's on offer. It also reads like glib propaganda that treats the public like fools.
3. Local knowledge trumps all, and I've heard similar complaints on phone-ins and message boards (I know, nutters, but local nutters) from angry of Leigh, Gatley, Lostock and, yes, Marple. You drill into what's been bashed together in an office in Manchester and you ask where there's supposed to be an extension to the park and ride at Romiley? There's no land to do it. Again, there will be CCTV at Rose Hill. How much will that cost? Buttons. Surely that's out of operational budgets anyway. There is nothing in the current plan about better services.
4. There's supposed to be a planned interchange at Stockport - again, where? That can only reduce parking spaces, and Stockport station car park is very crowded as it is. Crowded, by the way, with park and riders - going to London on business, mostly.
5. There will be bigger and longer trains on the Marple line. How? The train companies control the size and type of trains and they don't invest anything like enough in rolling stock. The Department of Transport have said they will fund this, so why is it parcelled into the TIF bid? And even if they did, the delivery schedules are way off. This is not currently within the brief of GMPTE, so how can they claim they can deliver it as part of TIF?
6. You look at the TIF map that tries to look like a London tube map and there are big thick green lines heading out to Bolton and Leigh. These are for bus lanes. The people of Bolton and Wigan will not vote for a congestion charge to get into Manchester if all they are getting is a bus lane.
7. TIF is supposed to address congestion where it occurs. It doesn't. The people of Stockport and parts of Tameside do experience congestion, but these are on roads that will be outside of the outer ring - the A6 from Hazel Grove through to Stockport, the M57, the A34 at Gatley.
8. A peak time congestion charge will raise the money to fund the transport plans. It is predicated on a deal. At a time when trust in government is at such a low ebb, when this government has reneged on investment in the regions so often, why should the voters here trust in another deal.
   
9. People also think, there is a congestion charge, it's called fuel at £1.30 a litre. They plan their journeys differently.
10. And do you know what? Part of me really wants to support this. I really applaud the bravery of a city region authority that wants better trains and trams so badly it is prepared to bet everything on a complex and forward looking plan. I do think too that congestion charging will become a reality in most British cities and that Manchester, by getting in early, WON'T lose a competitive advantage by introducing one now. But these nit picky details I've outlined here reflect what individual people will be doing all over Greater Manchester, and for that reason they will vote no. And when the gravestone is erected over these plans the inscription will read: "we promised them bus lanes to Bolton".
    

In an urban scrotey garden

It was nice to see that Rice in Piccadilly Gardens was busy today. Less pleasant is the ever present aggressive blight on Manchester that is the scrote. Three of them occupied an outside table at the front, yet didn't buy anything from the cafe they occupied. As they compared snide Timberland and Lacoste hoodies and drank pound shop cola, whilst smoking and playing horrible music on their mobile phones, the manager had a word with them pointing out that they were putting off his customers. But they didn't move, they just glared at him and continued to leer at passers by.

The prawn pad thai was very good though.

In an English Country Garden

Went to Tatton on Tuesday night for a very pleasant tour and a RHS President's Dinner just before the Flower Show opened the next day. I don't think I have ever been in a room with so many posh people before. The table plan for about 120 people included at least 20 double-barrels, 10 Lords and Ladies, four retired senior military officers (including a General) and several very posh de Montfords and the like. And Bryan Gray.

My Rachel and Becky Dewhirst were the youngest there. And as early 40 somethings me and my pal Simon Edwards (our host) can't have been far behind. Still, this isn't a complaint, but an observation. We had a great night. The gardens are fantastic this year, they all seem very practical and sustainable, the kind of gardens you could be inspired to do in your own back yard.

Three years ago Insider hosted a business breakfast at the event and we were committed to a long term plan to work with the RHS to encourage corporate hospitality at the show. We were bumped off as a partner, and it gives me no satisfaction whatsoever to say that the show still has no discernable presence on the corporate calendar. Hey ho.

Out at sea

The Midland Hotel at Morecambe gets some scrutiny from Phil Griffin.

A flavour is here:

The Urban Splash Midland Hotel might have felt more appropriate in the centre of a city. Five metres from the beach, it feels out at sea. If ever a building would have welcomed well chosen expensive period classic furniture and even the odd well placed 20th century antique, it is Oliver Hill’s Midland Hotel Morecambe. Walk through the ill-fitting front door – that must surely be a temporary measure – and see if you can find an atmosphere to drink in.

The full link is here.

I'm clearly more easily impressed by it than Phil, but then he makes his living from caring about such things.

A good year for the roses

Over the last week in the national media, I've seen things about four people I knew reasonably well at Manchester University in the late 1980s. It was an extraordinary time and there have been loads of people who've done well for themselves. I thought it could kick off a decent list of famous ish people from our era, starting with the ones in the news, but I've only included people I knew quite well, as opposed to me being some kind of creepy stalker with access to the alumni book.

- Derek Draper has been drawn back into the Labour Party spin machine.

- Ben Gale has been made controller of Channel 5 and he was in the Guardian's Media 100.

- Tracy Oberman has been on Radio 4 talking about a new play.

- Ian King, business editor of The Sun, was on a doc about Northern Rock. A man doing a job he was always destined for.

You can then add the following old pals who are on the telly all the time:

- Shobi Gulati actress and activist. I can't believe the papers never picked up on the fact that her and Tracy knew each other at Manchester and were leading women in rival soaps for a few years. Maybe they did.

- BBC news presenter Sophie Raworth.

Then there are a few musical bods as well.

- Pete Heller, who my pal Andrew McIntyre maintains got him into house music amidst much resistance and pro-hip hop posturing. Another dance music guru is...

- Justin Robertson, when I first saw him after we'd left, working in Eastern Bloc records with a degree in something clever I thought what a waste, but the boy has done good.

- Louise Wener, who we used to call Pat Benatar even then, as she would breeze into a Sociology of Literature, Art and Music tutorial in a fog of leopard print, lipstick and henna.

All that said, there are four lads I shared a house with who are all masters of their own particular universes, but that's a different story.

Nathan Bateman goes to Glastonbury...and Cannes

John Niven's Kill Your Friends is a hilarious, withering and thoroughly cynical portrait of the 90s music business and a rattling good read. It has some brilliantly well-observed anecdotes that provide a raucous backdrop for a story of depravity and ambition. John Niven, who used to work in the industry, has created a totally foul character, the morally barren Steven Stelfox, who swims with the sharks of the A and R world. Stelfox's awfulness owes more than a nod in the direction of Charlie Brooker's grotesque Nathan Barley (from TV Go Home), even using some of the same phrases (startling payload), and the darkly sadistic scenes are right out of American Psycho. But it's a rattling read. I really liked the references to rubbish bands and the soliloquy on how the music business works for newly signed bands. It's also fun trying to work out who is really who - the council estate Spice Girls (Saints Aloud), the angry rapper Rage (Goldie?). Not much difference either between MIDEM and the gigs in Cannes I've been to - MIPCOM and MIPIM. I couldn't put it down, very funny and one for Roger Cashman.

Redemption Song - reviewed in a lift

A posthumous biography of the Clash front man Joe Strummer (after whom my eldest is named, sort of) is detailed and passionate, but says very little about the actual music. The human tragedy running through the whole story is that of the relationship between Strummer and Mick Jones. They're like a couple that got married too young, had a wild few years, split up, but never fell out of love for one another. If you care about the The Clash, and if you get to the end of this long book, then you must do, then the tale at the very end about how Mick and Joe finally appeared on stage together, will bring a lump to your throat. When you read that it was five weeks before Joe's death, there'll be tears in your eyes.

Cover version update: Joe Strummer and Johnny Cash did Bob Marley's Redemption song. You can't get it on iTunes, but there's a clip on You Tube, here.

Conservatives, motherhood and apple pie

There's an interview with David Cameron in the Graun today. It's easy to see how he's got this incredible momentum, but all he's actually peddling is positive sentiment. Gordon Brown, meanwhile, is displaying political and managerial incompetence, and negativity.

Take anything Cameron says and attempt to argue the opposite point of view. There isn't one.

Absent Dad's shouldn't be involved in bringing up kids.
You shouldn't recycle domestic waste.
Standards in schools should be worse.
Foreign criminals should be allowed to stay here.
Business should be ensnared in red tape.

I could go on. Basically, Labour have given up. The problems of crime, waste, hopelessness and poverty are the same. But they have no passion, no energy and no idea what to do. They meddle. The Tories are up for it. But that's pretty much the only difference.

I got my first real six string

And last night I had my first guitar lesson at Riffs in Chadkirk, which were both fantastic birthday presents from Rachel. I have a long way to go, but I genuinely want to learn something new every year. I've never had any musical tutoring and it probably showed. I am probably completely tuneless as well - as Terry Christian said when I did the Y Factor last year, when he was a judge - "look at him. He's dancing to the words."

I promise to update.

Cover versions - top ten

Blimey, I've never been hassled into doing something on this blog by readers, but two of you have given me a nudge about getting round to doing the top ten cover versions I thought about a couple of weeks ago.

I was tempted to include a couple of Oasis songs which are more derivatives - Shakermaker and Don't Look Back in Anger - and chose not to include Neil Diamond written songs because you get into that grey area about whether it's a song written FOR the writer or for others to perform. By the same token, one of my favourites from the Bruce Springsteen concert was Because The Night, which I first knew as a Patti Smith song, but it's not strictly a cover as they co-wrote it. I've also gone for songs that meet two essential criteria, they sound great irrespective of their origin, and the original was great too.

Here goes, in reverse order:

Valerie - Mark Ronson and Amy Winehouse step up the Zutons
Where the Street Have No Name - Pet Shop Boys camp up U2
Always on my Mind - Pet Shop Boys then do the same to Elvis
Temptation - Moby strips back New Order
I Fought the Law - Clash squat a Bobby Fuller classic and make it their own anthem
Knockin' on Heavens Door - Guns N Roses power up Dylan
Could it be Magic - Take That double the BPM on Barry Manilow
Man who Sold the World - Nirvana unplugged and upstage David Bowie
One - Johnny Cash makes this U2 tune actually sound sincere

And the greatest cover ever is this:

Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley performs the perfect song, as originally performed and written by Leonard Cohen.

Five simple rules to be happy

Thanks to Natalia Escola-Fogg for this:

A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, shaved and with his hair fashionably coifed, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.

As he manoeuvred his walker to the elevator, the nurse provided a visual description of his tiny room. 'I love it,' he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

'Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait.'

'That doesn't have anything to do with it,' he replied.

'Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged ... it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. 'It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.

Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life.

Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from it what you've put in.

So, deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! Thank you for your part in filling my memory bank. I am still depositing. Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

Where did the weekend go?

I've been doing this all weekend, and am worn out. My role was running the score tent and filling in results on white boards. The whole event was a great success for Marple Athletic JFC and a terrific weekend for Marple.

The Italian Job

I know naff all about cars, but the new Fiat Cinquecento has caught my eye. Matt's godparents popped in last night and they've just got one.

I always thought Fiat have been one of the few Italian brands to be devoid of Italian style, just becoming yet another bog standard car model with no point. The Fiat people carrier we hired last year was just the same as our Citroen C8.

This new retro runabout looks very stylish. Whether it drives well I don't know, but you can get a lot further on a full tank than you can in my MLCC.

There's a functional review here and a more colourful one here, an endorsement of sorts from everybody's favourite school bully.

A Question of Thought

Rachel has a stopwatch set whenever BBC's Question Time starts on Thursday nights. It is usually a matter of minutes before I shout "muppet" or "idiot" or worse at the screen. Last night it two minutes into the programme before I was grumping at Lib Dem MP Julia Goldsworthy who wriggled around like an imbecile, getting all giddy at the chance to make cheap political points. She failed to make a single coherant and genuine argument all night, and was outshone by the schoolboy next to her.

It's also a fact that there's always a guest that comes across better than you ever remember them. Last night it was Iain Duncan Smith, the quiet man, who I always remember by his initials - In Deep Sh*t. IDS was very good on QT, but then he always is. The most disastrous leader the Tories have ever had is a man who has found his place. Never a party leader, his work on the broken society and poverty is clear headed and wise. I genuinely can't remember a single thing Douglas Alexander said, but then he's one of the young Labour gimps keeping his head down at the moment.

Saira Khan, the token celebrity, managed to make middle of the road opinions seem hysterical and witless. There's this from Holy Moly, which sums her up.

She also made the ludicrous claim that all black characters in TV dramas are gangsters and rapists. Off the top of my head I thought of him, him and him. If there is a black male stereotype on TV it's of a wholesome but neurotic outsider with a slightly posh accent. Idiot.

The Wilkinson theory

Someone I know - who I won't name - has a theory that the larger the Wilkinson's store in a location, the rougher the area. This has obviously been torn in tatters now that Hyde boasts a 10,000 sq ft shop which Ricky Hatton opened yesterday. Here's the story from the MEN.

Dead rock stars

Thanks to my Mum for getting me a subscription the Word magazine for my birthday. The current cover story features 12 dead rocks stars, yet another subjective list that is as enthralling for all it excludes as much as the content within. I've heard of most of them and would applaud the choices - Ian Curtis, Freddie Mercury, George Harrison, Joe Strummer and Johnny Cash - but not all.

Not included were many obvious candidates, including Kurt Cobain. I watched the Nirvana Unplugged concert on telly on Friday night. Their version of David Bowie's The Man Who Sold The World is going to be in the list of ten best cover versions I may get round to doing this week. But the watching the whole video is a very unsettling experience. Cobain is haunted and spaced out and staring into the distance. The performance is faultless, but it is doing nothing for him. Five months later he was dead. I don't think he's any kind of hero at all, but he made great music.

Hope for the best

Barely a month since the Midland Hotel at Morecambe opened for business, the sniping has started. I knew it would, Lancaster and Morecambe people can be very cynical. Some of the criticism is fair. Urban Splash are new to hotels and the fine ambition of hiring young kids with no experience has been haphazard. Plenty have been sacked, apparently. Including four bar lads who took customer service to a new level after the RIBA event in June, much to the annoyance of the husband of one randy female guest.

I'm here at the Midland for the official relaunch, almost 75 years since the original launch in July 1933. It's been a lovely night, with tales of daring do and bravery - and excellent service from the team at the hotel as well. I was lucky enough to be sat with Jon Falkingham from Urban Splash, Geraldine Smith, the Labour MP for Morecambe and David Taylor - a man who knows a thing or two about urban renewal as the chairman of Hull Citybuild and a big hitter in these parts too.

Our table was missing two guests; Councillor Evelyn Archer and her husband, who didn't show. She's quoted in the Morecambe Visitor as being against plans for the next phase of the development of Morecambe's central promenade, despite two years of consultation and an open competition. She's reported as supporting comments by Wayne Hemingway, who's plans failed in a blind competition, and who described the plans as like "selling the crown jewels". I think the tragedy here is that the outcry is all too late and aimed in the wrong direction. Where were they when someone decided to turn the train station into a pub and stop the track 400 yards further back, or when the Morrisons and Burger King (now boarded up) became the main attractions? Morecambe prom has a retail parade where Hitchens is the most upmarket shop. There is no view obscured by the plans for "a bit of resi" in the vacant plot that is now on central promenade. The plans may need a lot more public sector backing, but it would be investment, not subsidy and everyone in Morecambe should support it.

Urban Splash don't want to have to do everything in Morecambe. I, for one, reiterated my ambition to open Mick's Grill, purveyors of quality Lancashire Nosh. And I, like everyone else at the party tonight, equally look forward to supporting Hemingway's own hotel project.

Kids who don't listen

I often tease the kids about how little they tell me about what they're thinking and doing. Forgetting of course that I never used to tell my parents anything, nor would I even feign interest in what they did, or what they told me. Yesterday this hit me like a train. My Dad was telling me a story about when him and his Dad went down to White Hart Lane to see Spurs against Benfica in 1962 in the European Cup semi final, how they went with Grandad's friend Ted Smith, the landlord of a pub in Skerton, Lancaster, who used to manage Benfica from 1948 to 1952.

*screech of brakes*

Er, rewind please. How come I've never heard any of this before? A namedropper like me? My Dad used to make real efforts to take me to European games at Anfield and Wrexham, when I was about 11 and upwards - we were never going to see European football at Ewood, were we? - in so doing, he must have told me the details of that story many times before, but I won't have listened. Sure, I took in the detail that he'd only been to London once, but nothing about the magic of European nights. They even met the Benfica team and the captain Aguas, who Ted had brought over from Angola, and who hugged him like a son in the reception of the Park Lane Hotel.

I've been hunting down some information about Ted Smith, who must have been a pioneer and an adventurer to have done what he did, coaching the best club side in Europe at the time, winning the Latin Cup, before the European Cup was launched. This is our history and it's right in front of us. Blink, and you miss it.

Friends like these

I note from Toby Young's column in the Spectator this week that his best mate Sean Langan has been freed from kidnappers in Taleban controlled Pakistan. His thoughtful and measured column about it is here. It's clearly been difficult for him to keep quiet about, but he has.

Cow economics

I first came across the cow economics about 8 years ago. There's a thing on Wikipedia about it here. Here are some with a few more we've invented. Ten in fact, it is Friday...

CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

CITY OF LONDON CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to a new shell company listed on the Alternative Investment Market, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at a bank on the Isle of Man, then execute a debt / equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows and transferring the ownership of the initial equity to a children’s charity. You get a CBE for services to sick kiddies. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who takes out a securitised debt package on the rights to all seven cows' milk and sells them back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because they crapped on your Maserati.

PRIVATE EQUITY CAPITALISM: You’ve bought two cows. Take out a massive structured debt package calculated on ten times the amount of milk they can ever possibly produce in a lifetime. Then hack one cow to bits. Sell off the milk, the meat, the bones, the blood. Squeeze as much milk as you can from the other one, then sell it to one of your mates for twice what you paid for the pair. Pay off the bank. Go skiing.

ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.

GORDON BROWN ECONOMICS: You have two cows. The government introduces a new "straw tax" calculated on how much straw the cows eat. When the price of straw becomes too high and the cows can't produce any more milk, a new tax on unused cows is introduced. You give up and try to sell the cows, but the new tax on buying second hand cows means it's not worth it and there's no market. The government launches a task force into cow development.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war-mongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".

BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything. The cows then get flu and the government burns them.

EUROPEAN BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Lost in music

I've become spooked by the random shuffle function on my iPod. This week it has played two Prefab Sprout album tracks consecutively from the timeless classic Swoon. It has also managed to play The Message by Grandmaster Flash, just after Overpowered by Funk by The Clash, which both have references to Futura 2000 a New York grafitti artist. I'm getting quite giddy about what it might throw up for the journey home. It is a glorious way to rediscover music.

Book review in a lift - Jim White

Yes, there is still a football embargo on this blog, this month, but this book is not about football, it's about being a father to a son. It is a vivid and often shockingly real account of Jim White's time running a junior football team. I see so many of the grotesque stereotypes that he writes about at the tournaments and matches I go to. Not to mention the committee politics. It's a warm and happy book with some great stories and anecdotes from the author's chats with various managers and coaches and some lovely bits about his own moments with his son. But one very important line in the book stands out. It is the question that defines kids' football at every level. Through every coaching session, every committee meeting, every dispute about the links on the website. It is the question that should be asked by every manager who leaves a kid as an unused sub, and every parent who screams at a referee. And the question is this: "Who is it for?"

Straight Outta Compstall

The wonders of my new iPod and in-car device and the nice weather meant I had some fine tunes playing on the way in to work today and had the top down on the MLCC. I like the nice surprises that random shuffle throws up when I've stuck so much music on there. Like this, this and even a camp classic like this. Trouble is, as I pulled up next to a bus on London Road it was blaring out this. I must have looked a right tw*t. Whitey in his suit trying to get down wiv the bruvvas.

Ryan Giggs and me

I went to a business lunch at the Lowry Hotel today. I had to nip out half way through, and took a wrong turn into the other half of the banqueting room. I interrupted Ryan Giggs having his photo taken. There's no particular moral to this story, it was just a strange thing to happen. I'm sure he looked at me and thought, wasn't that the bloke I saw at Faro Airport last year? Or maybe not?