Tuesday, May 08, 2012

Leaked letter - Mrs Desai's reply to Paul Hunt

There's a letter doing the rounds from Paul Hunt, the deputy CEO of Blackburn Rovers, which he supposedly sent to Ms Desai the matriarch of the Venkys. There's a link to the coverage of it here and here.

Here, this blog can exclusively reveal the reply from Pune.

Dear Paul,

What a terrible web we weave. Your letter has confirmed to me that we have been lied to and misled at every step of the way. We bought a football club to give us publicity and to pave the way for us to open up in Europe. We are proud people who have been made fools of.
Let me address each of your points.

1. Promotion to CEO - It seems that everyone in football wants more. Now you want more money. Why, Paul? What have you done except complain? What difference is a title?

2. Owners to invest in the club - Why must we spend more money? We are always being asked for more money. What for? Don't we have enough players? What do they do all day? Why are they all paid so much, especially the ones who say they are injured. Can't we use the younger ones? And why do we have to pay extra to Salgado and Roberts? Don't play them if it's going to cost us. Who told the bank we weren't good for the money? Was it that John Williams? We were right to get rid of him. If we need some more money, then sell some more players. They are all paid far too much anyway. Balance the books and cut the wage bill.

3. Manager to change. When we bought the club within a short space of time Venkatesh and Belaji saw our beloved Rovers get beaten 7-1 at Manchester United. Our football adviser Jerome Anderson told us we needed to get rid of the manager and put someone in charge who would stop us from getting relegated from the EPL. No-one had explained how this works. This prompted us to get rid of Big Sam and appoint Steve Kean. We were criticised for this and now we are being criticised for sticking with our man and giving him time. Sacking Big Sam cost us a lot of money, I suppose Steve will want a couple of million as well?

4. Trust the executive - bring us in. Why should we trust any of you English business people? You have taken us for fools at every turn - the Walker Trustees, Rothschild, John Williams, Big Sam, Jerome Anderson, you all thought we were fools. None of you have come clean. You have all laughed at us, called us chicken farmers and gossiped about us.

5. PR just from Ewood. Who is this PR consultant you speak of? Don't we have Paul Agnew? What does he do all day? Why didn't you sign David Beckham? Why didn't that get us better PR?

6. Regular visits to India. Another one after a free holiday in Pune. Steve comes over all the time and now you want to come. Why?

7. Regular visits to Blackburn and Premier League games. All we get is abuse when we come over, these poor white faces railing at us like we are peasants and coolies. Now who is in charge? How does it feel to be subjects of an empire? And it is very cold. Nobody warned us of this. You don't still think we bought the club because we like football do you?

8. Hire and Fire. I see what you are doing here, Paul. You want that Williams boy out of the way so you can claim the credit for all the work his Dad did.

9. Lost revenue and brand equity. We are the ones who have lost revenue. What are you doing to stop the protests? How many people know of us worldwide? Millions. How many care about a small town football team? None.

10. Support is necessary. You think we are all fools. You all bleat about relegation and peddle the lie that we didn't know of it. We do, we just don't care. The team will still be playing in the Championship, they can still wear the shirt of the 1995 Premiership champions and make us another chicken commercial. And there won't be as many protests if we cut down the numbers who come along to the games.

And if the staff don't like it, then they can go too. I hear there is high unemployment in Blackburn, if you don't like it, then get a job you like.

Mrs Rao.

POSTSCRIPT - for the avoidance of doubt and as a mark of respect to the THOUSANDS of people who have read this - I can confirm it is a work of fiction.


PericOfTheRovers said...

I cannot stand the Venky's. Burn in hell for all I care. I want my Rovers back

PericOfTheRovers said...

I cannot stand the Venky's. Lying scum pieces of crap. They can burn in hell for all I care. I want my rovers back

PABBY said...

Michael - it's not difficult to imagine that your parody would be pretty close to the truth. So, so sad...