Saturday, December 15, 2012

Revealed: Blackpool's confidential scouting report on Rovers

On my way out of Bloomfield Road this evening I found a piece of paper - it was a confidential leaked scouting report to Blackpool manager Michael Appleton and a briefing for his team.

"Right, I don't know how to brief you to be honest. On paper this lot, man for man, are a top team. But there's such a bad feeling around the club, and you'll know what that's like from your time at Portsmouth, that we just don't know what could happen. There's this clown Shebby Singh gobbing off about tactics - it's caused mayhem behind the scenes, the players don't know what's going on.

"Absorb a bit of pressure in the first 15 minutes and you'll be home and dry. They're bringing a large following - they've sold out - but they'll soon turn on their team, the owners, and that will get to the players.

"If they've got any sense they'll play Jordan Rhodes with another forward just off him. If they do, then we're in for a tough afternoon. Lately though, they tend to play him on his own up front (I know! barmy).

"They have these young lads up and down the wings, a combination of Lowe, one or more of the Olsson twins, this lad King from Man United who doesn't want to be there, Henley. Let them run around a lot, it won't come to much, as long as we keep a couple of big lads on Rhodes they'll have nothing to aim at.

"There's nothing we can tell you about Vukcevic - a bit of a mystery man.

"Stick a couple of early challenges on Etuhu, he's doesn't fancy it, let him know he's in a contest and he'll be useless. Same goes for Kazim-Richards. Test this young keeper Kean - he's going to be bricking it, so keep the pressure on him in one to ones.

"If we get a corner, just float it towards the penalty spot. Don't worry, you'll be unmarked. Givet might be there, but equally, he might not. You never can tell with him.

"The best news I've heard is that Scott Dann is going to be skipper today. Not only is
he hopeless at set pieces, but his confidence is shot to pieces.

"Make sure you patronise them in the programme notes and pre-match interviews, say they're a top top team, but to be honest this will be a breeze."

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